Its only been just over a month, some might say its to early yet to tell but from previous grieving experience I know I may need help and its ok not to walk around with a brave face on its also ok to have space from the world.
The one thing I do a lot and what I have been doing recently is ‘putting on a brave face’ especially the first few days when I was in hospital it was probably shock and a way to block out what had actually happened. I shouldn’t have to put on a brave face, its me that’s grieving, its me that this has happened to not you or anyone else. A lot of people may think I’m a strong brave person let alone do they know that deep down my heart has been shattered, my stomach is constantly feeling sick, lost and I’m not sure how I’m ever going to carry on living my life without my baby girl by my side.
Most of the time I don’t want to talk about what happened but I do want to talk about my daughter, the subject always ends up talking about what happened no matter how hard I try. I know people care and I know that people want to listen. sometimes I just need space and time alone. Its really difficult to smile sometimes and although I feel awful I will always try and break a smile.
I’ve learnt the last few weeks is Its ok not to be ok, Its ok to ask for help, Its ok to not be a social butterfly, Its ok to take time out and its ok to have an ‘ok’ day.
I’m sure if you have ever grieved before or been through a similar thing you understand what I mean you put a shield up when in the presence of others to hide the emotions that your feeling, I know I certainly do I know that’s ok for some of the time.
The link to the below song which I heard recently the words describe exactly how I feel. It makes me cry every time I hear this song.