Hello to all you males, each and every single one of you wether you are a bereaved father a father or not a father.
Today I bought our local paper, something caught my eye, a photo on the front page of a very smiley bald headed man who is one of our friends. The local paper had decided to publish the sad story of our friend who sadly passed away in May last year, something that devastated the whole friend group.
Although it’s really emotional to read what happened to our friend, I hope it brings some awareness to all you males out there that it is ‘ok to talk’.
Our good friend sadly passed away after an incident which was a cry for help.Our friend is the reason why I am writing this post.
There is so much stigma around stillbirths it’s something no one ever wants to discuss but I never see much being posted from the fathers do they find it hard to discuss? I find the fathers always get forgotten about, they are grieving too.
A couple of nights ago me and my husband were cuddled up on the couch me in tears for the third night in a row, we had a chat about how we were both feeling. I mentioned I wasn’t feeling great and after our review on Wednesday it left me feeling really empty and that I will never know the real reason why I got an infection and where it came from, my husband had told me he was feeling the same way. We had a conversation about other things, whilst talking he had said to me about how he felt like the fathers always get left out, I agreed with him!
Our partners, the fathers to our children do get left out, they grieve too so why do they get forgotten about?
As a male, our partners, fathers to our children they want to stand by us well as going through the emotional side just like us, they want to be the strong person (its male instinct after all) who we can cry too, scream at when we feel like we are drowning in heart ache, cuddle when we feel low and most of all feel protected by the horrible world us bereaved parents currently live in. It’s not possible for a male to do all of this, AND cope with grief. Each father that goes through losing a child will grieve and grieve in there own way, i have read so my articles and posts where men think it’s ok not to talk about the way they feel. Well it’s not ok it’s so much worse than you think, as a female most of us find it natural to talk about the way we feel, for bereaved fathers and males it’s a different story.
Bereaved fathers go through grief just like us mothers do, after having different conversations with different people it came to light that people thought a mother goes through the grieving processa lot more than a father and is different to a father grieving. I understand that a father hasn’t carried a baby round for 9 months but that doesn’t mean to say they aren’t grieving personally I think it’s just as heartbreaking for them as it is for us. We carried our child round for 9 months, we no longer feel them move, we no longer can hold them and feel connected like we did when they were just a tiny bump to being born which is an unbearable pain for us and all the father wants to do is take the pain away and make everything better by bringing back our sleeping angel they don’t want to see there wife/partner in this pain of heartbreak, moping around like our life is never going to be the same, unhappy and feeling we may as well give up now because the one happy thing we had has been taken away. This is exactly how I feel and I know my husband does not want to see me this way and it breaks his heart even more because all he wants to do is help me and be able to turn back time, change that one day I went into labour and bring our daughter back to earth as well as coping with grief himself.
So yes I do think that fathers grieve the same amount but a different type of grief. They should be able to come to us and speak out about how they feel and us a partners and mothers should be holding our partners just like they do to us.
From experience It is not good too keep feelings trapped in and pretend that things are ok, because let’s face it there aren’t. And people would be stupid if they thought because you acted ‘ok’ that you actually are! Holding emotions and feelings in can lead to a various amount of issues including separation from there partners, depression, stress and mental health issues.
Our friend is the third person I know that committed suicide either as a cry for help or a way to leave their life behind.
This post isn’t just for bereaved parents it’s for any one who is battling grief in a different form, depression, stress, stress at work, separation from a loved one or something that you can’t shift out of your mind and to let you know it is ok to talk! I hear so many stories of people taking there own live because they feel it’s the best option I have also heard people say ” it’s selfish that people commit suicide” well it’s not for that person who has taken there own life brings great courage to even decide to do it in the first place, but if they had someone to speak too, open up and know they are not alone about how they feel and the reason behind why they wanted to do this we could stop so many deaths a year making the world a happier place to live in.
So how is mental health defined?
Everyone will go through periods when they feel emotions such as stress and grief, but symptoms of mental illnesses last longer than normal and are often not a reaction to daily events. When these symptoms become severe enough to interfere with a person’s ability to function, they may be considered to have a significant psychological or mental illness. Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life. Mental health which is a variety of conditions such as eating disorders or being effected by grief affects 1 in 4 people, mental health takes a massive toll in daily life as well as having long term effects which can lead into health problems and even suicide.
It’s heartbreaking to think that most men (and females) think you can’t talk about the way you feel well you can and I urge you to speak out and talk about it wether you are a bereaved father, father, partner or neither It could be the smallest thing you want to talk about to something which you have been trying to battle with for days, months, years it takes great strength for someone to talk about the way they feel.
To all the men out there, the fathers to our children, our husbands, boyfriends, partners, friends & soul mates thank you for those who have already had the courage to speak to up, open up and show your emotions and feeling to us it takes great courage and you are loved for it.