To speak or not to speak

A post on society’s actions whilst grieving & social media

If you saw me in public what would you do?

Would you say hi?

Would you ignore me?

Would you walk over and hug me?

Would you cross the street to avoid me?

Would you ask how I am?

I know what I would do if someone else was walking in my shoes, I would at least say hi and give a smile to that person.

Since grieving for the loss of our daughter I’ve found being ignored is one of the most common things. I do understand that most do not know what to say therefore don’t say anything and it can be just as upsetting for that person as well as it is for me, but being ignored or like nothing has happened is actually a lot worse. I know because this has happened many of times where people have looked at me then turned around and walked in a different direction. Now don’t get me wrong if I’m not feeling great I’ll always try and say hi but I may not stay and talk for me it’s difficult to leave the house let alone say hi to someone I think is going to approach me and ask about or where my baby is. Deep down my heart is broken so to walk around with a brave face on is hard it’s really hard so to feel like people can’t even say hi is difficult and upsetting. People have there own lives to deal with but please don’t act like nothing as happened either. Saying hi really does go a long way, there is no need for people to cross the street or ignore us because you don’t know what to say.

I’m not a big fan of social media but most recently it’s been my saviour. I have been connected with parents in a similar position to me and my god does it help! To see each other’s posts is comforting, we like & share each other’s photos of our baby’s. This is another point that has also come to light ~ sharing post’s.

Why is different for someone to post or share a post of someone who has had a baby & congratulate them? To someone who has had a baby who was born sleeping?

Non.

I know you maybe thinking well why would we? It could be upsetting? But there is no difference, us bereaved parents need that kind of support too. It may be upsetting but it’s also a thought. After speaking to other bereaved parents they told me they found that other mums who had have had baby’s had things put on social media by friends etc even when something had not gone to plan but not to this extent, congratulating them and saying how strong they are to go through what they have. I can honestly say that the parents I’ve spoken to haven’t had this. I can’t see why society can’t post or share things on social media or even tell there friends what a good job they are doing, I don’t mean splashing it all over social media but maybe a little “this is my friend and your doing amazing” It’s heartbreaking to hear stories from other parents.

It might sound big headed but I congratulate myself on the amazing thing I’m doing everyday wether that be getting out of bed and going to work or saying hello to someone I’ve not seen for a while. And you should too!

So here I am to make a stand to society to say WE are mothers too and do not be afraid to share, like and congratulate us on this difficult time we are going through we need the support and love!

To all the beautiful bereaved parents out there I wanted to let you all know you are doing amazing and we can get through this, it may takes months or it may take years but one thing I’ve learnt is to never lose hope.

Here to talk,

Grace & Violet xox