In the UK, 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage, stillbirth or premature birth.
The emotional impact this has is devastating and leaves parents with so many unanswered questions.I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say I find social media really upsetting whilst going through loss. Now this isn’t a ‘thing’ this is real life, real emotions and real feelings. For someone going through loss like myself its draining, its really difficult to see other pregnant women, baby announcements, scan photos, ‘congratulations’ on new born baby photos, people moaning about there swollen feet, people moaning that they have children, the words ‘when is this baby coming out’ – which I do think is pretty rude. Its heartbreaking, its not a sign of ‘we are unhappy for you’ because that’s not the reason we are so proud of all the mum’s out there giving birth and becoming new parents. You may have something some one else wants.
If you put yourself in our shoes and had lost a baby then saw all over your social media the above how would you feel? how would you react? would you be upset? If you have answered yes to all then you know what its like for us.
We want what you have.
Because we never got a chance, we never got to take our baby’s home, or have the ‘congratulations’, ‘shes beautiful’, ‘well done’, ‘your an amazing mummy’. Why? why is everyone so scared to say these words, we still gave birth, we still became a mummy, our children are still beautiful. Its really irritating and something that grinds on me every time I see it. Don’t be scared to speak out loud, its more upsetting when you don’t mention it. When we lose a baby at any stage we start feeling different emotions each parent grieves differently. Some of the things I/grief can make you feel can be ~
~ Feeling like a failure or a let down
~ Thinking it’s all our fault
~ Letting our baby down
~ There is something wrong with us
~ Why did this happen?
~ Not accepting what has happened
~ Feeling of being alone
~ No one understands
~ No one cares
These are just some things that can happen or feel whilst grieving carrying all this in our mind every single day as well as social media is really mentally draining. Social media shows everything baby related and when going through loss it seems to be there right in your face staring right back at you in the eye. The lady with her bump, the scans photos quoting ‘look at my baby’ but for most of all it hurts for me when baby’s have been born and I see photos of them with captions and comments under neath ‘Congratulations’ ‘he/shes beautiful’ it hurts so bloody much because that was me I gave birth to my beautiful little girl and not many people wanted to say these words, instead we received ‘sorry for your loss’, ‘I feel for you’, ‘my heart breaks’. It’s the most difficult time and these words DO mean a lot but further on down line it is nice when some one says “she’s beautiful” but they don’t. There is so much taboo around still births and baby loss, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s certainly nothing to be embarrassed about either. Killing the stillbirth taboo is essential, Tommy’s the baby charity are doing just that by hosting a a new campaign #togetherforchange the video on the link below shows a video of what others going through loss or others see on social media when a person announces a birth, scan or status around pregnancy. It hits the nail on the head perfectly.
It’s time to make a change and start and stop the silence on baby loss.
Click on the link below to find out more #togetherforchange “There is still silence and shame around baby loss. But if we can talk about it openly and honestly, not only can we help each other feel less alone, but we can also pave the way for greater awareness and more research to stop it happening”