Why is October so important?
October marks the month of pregnancy and infant loss awareness it’s also Violet’s birthday month.
1st October 2018 it seems to have come around so quickly. This morning when I realised it was the first of the month it hit me like a tonne of bricks! I saw a photo which read “I am the face I am 1 in 4” I burst in to tears. It’s really upsetting that rather than saying it’s Violets birthday month Im saying those words. Only to realise it’s the month Violet was born. Her due date and her first birthday.
This time last year I had finished work and was preparing to welcome a new member to the team. We had family and friends visit us just before her hopefully ‘big day’ not realising that Violet’s big day would be slightly different. I was aware that October marked pregnancy and infant loss awareness as my friends little girl was born sleeping the year before Violet in October 2016 it made me more cautious to get everything checked whilst pregnant and in labour but not knowing that I was also going to walk this path anyway no matter how cautious I was.
When I woke this morning, thoughts of sadness, emptiness and heartache filled my mind. What should I be doing right now? I should be off on maternity leave, I should be walking down the road with Violet in the pram. I should be having sleepless night, I should be going to play groups and interacting with new mums. My holiday which I’m currently on now should be filled with her laugh, her little smiling face, she would be crawling about in her little swimsuit and matching hat that our friend bought (which is gorgeous and covered in bright pink and purple flowers it makes me smile every time I look at it!) these are the things that people don’t see.
I’ve met so many new parents, parents who are going through baby loss, parents who have children, parents who are currently pregnant and parents who have lost older children and I can’t thank them enough for the support they have provided but also for the support we’ve all given to each other. But I can admit it’s not the way I had planned in fact it’s not the way any of us planned.
For most who haven’t lost or have children it’s something you can never imagine. I know I couldn’t before having Violet, I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like or to go through or on a daily basis.
October for me will never be the same it will be a month of heartache but also a month of love and remembering our daughter to celebrate her birthday. I hope one day it gets easier for me and for all the other bereaved parents.
I want to say thank you to all the support I’ve had from the baby loss community and the amazing parents I’ve met through out my journey who will make the month of October and every day easier as the years go on. It’s crazy to think that all the parents I’ve spoken to who I’ve never met I can message and say “I’m having a tough time” they know exactly what it’s like or say the ‘right’ things.
To many babies have been taken too soon it’s heartbreaking and actually shocking to see the numbers of babies, infants and children who have passed away either before birth, during birth or after.
Baby loss and infant loss is still a massive taboo subject and it’s really frustrating. It’s so much more popular than people think, I follow nearly 2k accounts on social media and 80% is a parent losing a child or baby. When it’s put this way it’s a lot more than I thought and more than people expect. This is my account alone just think how many more parents are out there? It’s sad knowing that we are in this ‘category’ because I Am the face I AM 1 in 4′.
It’s essential to keep raising awareness of Stillbirths, miscarriages, baby loss and infant loss the more awareness is raised the more things will be changed not only in health practice’s and hospitals but in the way general public speak out about it.
Please share this post but also taken a moment this month to remember all the babies who sadly passed away.